Thursday, November 01, 2001

It's one of those small little things. Trifle friction blown out of proportion by human emotions, or lack of ability to just sit down and walk through this life-size puzzle. for many months now it has struck me that the feeling of being in love is akin to wandering for extended hours in a maze of roses. When you take your first step in, you are instantly bewitched by the reds and yellows and feisty thorned stems that encircled the exquisitely groomed walls. Your senses seemed momentarily heightened and boosted your ego is soothingly appealed to by this opulent splendor. But I thought, surely a day will come, when one had had just enough with walking into a dead end or encircling an arc that you were sure you hadn't passed a moment ago. This nomadic freedom suddenly transformed itself into a repition. A monochrome photograph from a dubious date. And you, the bona fide princess or prince, stopped short and looked around for the first time in a Loong looooong time. And you realized there weren't any roses. For if they were there then surely it must be a figment of your imagination.

Love is crazy. Its just one word but love can never satisfy itself with some kinda self-explanation. It's wat a million words can't explain. It induces a variety of chemical reactions in the human body, that results from a burning sensation in the groin area, to nipping a chunk off your tongue while stammering. Love puzzles and enlightens you at the same time. It's the next substitute for oxygen and a society can't function without it's existence. It's THE most undefinable word, yet ironically simple. For we feel love more than we talk love. When we discuss love we always discuss how it makes us feel. How his hot wet kiss left your heart pounding, and how the sound of her laughter made you walk funny. Everything it holds for us is at the simplest, most visceral level. You can't work it out mathmatically, neither can you equate it. It's a stand alone emotion, and a pandora's box reinvented. We sometimes experience a similar sequence of heart pounding, pounding pounding, phone ringing, phone ringing, laughing, joking, discussions of childhood phobias and the mole on your sole, confessions of wicked fantasies, heavy panting, heavy panting, snoring, dial tone, dial tone, sorries, door slams shut, snoring, screaming, lamentations, more screaming, door slams for the last time. This is condensed, surely you'll understand. It all comes together into this huge symphony of life, but all you're hearing is really the resonating Love... And love encompasses those of heterosexuals, homosexuals, sisterhood, brotherhood, family, backalley and transgendered. If anybody reading this doesn't belong to any of the above mentioned categories, PLEASE drop me an email...

But why am I rattling on about love? what DO i know about love? Oh so little. And yes I'm feeling torn today, conflicting inside with warring emotions. I am at the Dial tone phase of the sequence. And unashamedly, i congratulated myself for not being the one who got the "~watever! *click* Dooo....doooo...dooo...dooo* treatment. In fact i executed it beautifully. It worked coz it flared nostrils and clenched teeth. But for what ends I don't know. I'm not even typing properly. My eyes are rolling back, my eyebags half threatened to inflate disproportionately...and I'm not checking for grammatical mistakes. This was written for love, and let's have it end with just that. Love dictates that I deal with today in equanimity. And surely it commands me to sleep now.....and let my Rapid Eye Movement do its job....ZZZzzZzZZZZzZzzzZzzz

No comments: